


i have spread my dreams under your feet

by ashleykay



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gilbert goes to Redmond, Magic, Matthew is dead, Wishes, the peddler returns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:20:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23886601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleykay/pseuds/ashleykay
Summary: “Here.” He held in his hand a small shiny stone. It looked to her like nothing really. It was not the color of rocks or any stone she had read about. It glimmered though. There seemed to be a noise that rose around it. Like a lullaby.“What is it?”“It is a wish.”
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Comments: 10
Kudos: 89





	i have spread my dreams under your feet

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from he wishes for the cloths of heaven by william butler yeats

She was barely seventeen when the peddler's family joined him in Avonlea. His face which seemed heavy and terribly lined in all the time that she had known him, faded away and she knew then how he must have looked when he was young.

She had seen the reunion at the station. She had been seeing Cole off and out had come the peddler's wife and children. She had not known it was them at first, of course. But the whoop and laughter that came crashing at them, she knew that voice. She could not look away at such a wonderful happy thing.

She watched the tears and the laughter and the hugs and kisses that blurred into a frenzy of movement.

Later, when they had all settled in, when the peddler had opened a small shop, that was cozier than any of the other business in Avonlea, she had talked to him again.

She had been wondering around the shop her fingers gliding over the knick knacks.

“Ah, Anne with an E.”

“Hello.” She smiled as brightly as she could. “I heard that Ruth has someone courting her.”

The man's face lit up. “Yes. We are really finding our place here now.” Anne noted that he still looked so much younger than when she first met him. “And you Anne? I have heard-”

She laughed, though she wanted to cry. “No. No courting for me. Not with Matthew-” She swallowed a sob. “Well, there's is no one for me.”

“There is someone for everyone. You'll see.”

She shook her head but laughed. “Oh I don't know. I am sure there must be a few that must go it alone.”

“Come, Anne with an E. Come and I'll show you.”

So she did. She followed him through the aisles and through the door than held the backroom treasures.

“Here.” He held in his hand a small shiny stone. It looked to her like nothing really. It was not the color of rocks or any stone she had read about. It glimmered though. There seemed to be a noise that rose around it. Like a lullaby.

“What is it?”  
  


“It is a wish.”

She glanced from the stone to his face. “A wish?”  
  


“Yes, I've had it a long time. But I can tell you need this.”

“I couldn't, I don't have any money.”

“It is to given, not bought. And little Anne with an E. I think you need it more than anyone.”

“But if you've had it so long. Why not use it to get back your family sooner.”

His eyes grew sad. “No, doesn't work that way. It can only be used once. And only as a gift.”

The hum rumbled through her ears. A wish. Just her very own. And without thinking she held out her palm.

When the stone touched her it felt like everything had changed.

**_________**

She did not use the wish at first.

She carried it home in her clenched hand. The hard points of it indenting the palm of her skin. She placed it careful among her other treasures.

She dreamed of it. She thought of it all through class. It was the color of Gilbert's eyes. But it wasn't.

No it was the color of Diana's caplet. But no that was wrong to. The soft washed color of Cole's old sketches. The raspberries that Marilla used to make tarts. The color of the first real dress she had ever gotten.

It made no sense. She was sure it was just her imagination again.

And yet. Yet.

No. The wish changed as her heart did.

It took two weeks of it sitting on her dresser before she told Marilla. And another week before telling Diana.

It was a month before she came to Gilbert.

Marilla had scoffed and told her such foolishness should not be encouraged. Diana had fretted about the morality of having a wish as if it was devil's work.

Gilbert had laughed.

“And what Anne, are you going to wish for?”

“I don't know yet.” She turned the wish over in her hands. It was a mystery this little stone. It was heavy and light. Smooth but jagged. “He said I only get one wish.”  
  


“That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of.”

She didn't know why, but she thought of everyone, she could count on Gilbert at least not to mock her for believing. Even if it was silly.

“It's not. It's like a fairy tale.”

He snorted again. “Fairy tales are for children, and they aren't true.”

“Everything has a bit of truth to it. And stories are not just for children.”

“No stories are not for just children, but tales with witches and dragons and fairies are.”

She jammed the wish into her apron pocket. “You don't know everything _**Dr.**_ Blythe.”  
  


“Now Anne, don't get so upset.” He was running to catch up with her. “Look, I didn't mean to make you cross. I just don't think going out and believing something so silly is right. I think the peddler jibbed you.”

“He gave it to me. Free.” She could feel the wish whispering to her. “He said I needed it.”

“Anne-”

“No _thank you_ , Gilbert. I am being silly. Everyone is right. It's very stupid of me to think that a thing like a wish could be real. And if it was real why anyone would give it to me.”

Gilbert pulled her to the along the path they had walked to school. The morning glories tickled at her ankles.

“I can see why he would give it to you. Almost everyone has a warm spot for you. Maybe it is a wish. But it's a wish you make yourself. It's the idea of a wish. Like a shooting star or blowing out candles. You know, it's a wish you make for yourself.”

“That's not a wish Gilbert. That's ordinary.” She played with hem of her sleeve. She wanted something magical. Something unknown. She wanted something that lay on the tip of her tongue. She couldn't explain it to Gil, not in away that made sense to him. She loved him, but he was logical, he worked hard for what he wanted, what he had. He saw things in sturdy dark lines. But she couldn't. Logic and truth hurt. She had lived those things. If she had only logic, being in the asylum. The time with the families before finding home. If those were all she had...no, she did the best she could to make her world easier, better than the meanness.

“What's wrong with ordinary?” Now it was his fingers at the cuff of her shirt.

Gilbert looked so soft then. His eyes bright and focused. He hand raised to her cheek, then down to her jaw. “I love you. You know that, don't you.”

Something seized her chest. She knew without knowing, that something was about to change.

“I can't.” She wrung her hands and bit back tears. She felt as if she were drowning. “I just...” She didn't dare to look at him.

“I understand.” But his voice was strained and she felt her stomach drop.

“No. No, you don't. I care for you so-”

“Please, Anne. No more. You can't.”

She steeled herself and glanced up at him. His face was sallow and grey. His eyes so shiny and still. He was going to cry.

“It isn't-”

“I can't bare any more.”

She swallowed her own sobs. “Can't we go on being the best of friends.”

He nodded but she new that everything had changed. The world was anew but now dull.

“Let's get you home.” The gaiety that had once rang true in his voice was gone. Even the green plush forest seemed to decay around them.

“No, I wish to stay. Just a little longer.” She wanted to reach out for his hand. But it felt like there was a rift between them now. “You can go if you'd like, Gil. I can find my way back.” She tried a smile but it was brittle and cracked on her lips.

“I'd feel awful just leaving you out here.” But she knew he wanted to get away from her. His need to get away was written like a novel in the set of his hips and the fidget of his fingers.

“Oh, Gil. It's just the path we took as children. I've walked it so many times. I could probably walk it blind.” She laughed with a hollow sound. It was if they were play acting.

“If you're sure.”

“Really I am.”

He nodded and turned to leave. She watched as he grew smaller and more distant.

He never turned back to her.

It was, she supposed, what she deserved. Here on the little path that he had saved her from Billy. Here where they had first seen each other. Here where she rejected his love.

It was over now. Oh, she knew they would go along pretending to be chums. To smile and talk, but it was never going to be true. It would always be gone now. The glances, the laughs, all the history and forgiveness and competition would be no more.

When she had stood there long enough for the chill to settle on her bones and her feet started to ache, she stumbled to the log that lay just off the path and wept.

When she finally made her way back to Green Gables it was growing dark and a wind had picked up the few leaves that had fallen.

**_____**

“Where have you been!” Marilla's face was a mix of fury and worry.

“Oh, I am sorry, Marilla. I was walking through the woods and lost track of time.”

“It does you no good to lie.”

Marilla came closer to her. And her face twisted. “You've been crying, Anne.” It was not a question. Marilla who was not one for physical affection pulled her close and she felt the tears coming again.

Without thinking she shook with sobs. It was for Gilbert and Matthew who was buried and gone. It was for Marilla who's whole family was gone. It was for the peddler and his lined face. It was for the little wish that sat heavy in her pocket.

“Anne, child, what is it? What has you so upset. Is it Matthew?” Marilla rubbed her back as she wept.

“It's nothing. Just how things are changing. I'll leave soon for Redmond. I can't leave you. I can't. Not Green Gables. And the whole town. Oh, to leave my only home. And Gilbert. Diana. My wish and Matthew. To not be able to visit him. I can't. Oh, Marilla I can't. I can't do any of it.”  
  


Marilla's voice was soft. “Now, things are always changing. It is just the way time works. And you will never leave me or Green Gables. We are here no matter how far you go. As for Matthew, he wouldn't want to keep you from all the world holds. And Diana will be here too. As for Gilbert he is going to Redmond. It isn't changing too much.”

“Oh Marilla, Gilbert will never really forgive me. He... He told me, he told me, he loved me. And I said I can't. Doesn't he see. It would never work. I love him so. But I can't. I can't be with anyone. I am not made for marriage.”

“Well, that does change things. I can't lie to you Anne. It will be different. But that does not mean it will always be awkward. If you don't want to marry him, well, there is nothing to do but give it time. He is a fine boy and one day he will be over it and find someone who wants him back.”

At this Anne wept harder. A deep terrible sound rose from her mouth. She didn't want Gil to find someone. She didn't want to marry but she could not find solace in his bright eyes being turned to someone else.

“Anne, please...” But Marilla kept hold of her. Petting her back and rocking.

“I mess everything up. I am not good, Marilla.”

“Do not talk like that!” Marilla pulled back then. Staring at Anne's teary face. “You are a good girl. Things at the moment may seem hopeless. But they aren't. They aren't, Anne. You must give it time.”  
  


Anne nodded but her eyes dropped tears still. She felt as she would never stop crying.

Inside her pocket the wish pulsed.

____

Time was something that Anne didn't have. No the summer was high and lovely but it was going to end. Soon she would be at University. And there wouldn't be the lovely haunted woods to get lost in. No days spent laughing at and with Jerry. And no girls. None of the others were going with her. It reminded her horribly of being sent of to new homes, having to wonder where she fit, if she even could. And only Gilbert would be there. And now, now with everything, they could barely stand to be with one another. She had broken his heart.

Gilbert who had never really taken his eyes off of her, now he couldn't look at her at all. She held her breath, hoping that would stop the tears.

Only when he had been off on the Primrose had they gone so long without seeing each other, without any words.

She rolled the wish in her hand. It was warm. Like a fireplace in the palm of her hand. She could think of a thousand things to wish for, but none of them seemed right. Diana didn't want University. None of the other girls did. She couldn't make a wish to take away their choice. She couldn't bring Matthew back. Or wish that her parents had lived. If she did, what of her Diana. Of her sweet and wonderful Matthew. Maybe she could wish to be beautiful. To be good enough. Though she didn't want to think really on what she wanted to be good enough for.

She could hear the wish's soft humming lullaby, it made tears come up again.

She rubbed her thumb over the rounded edge. It had once shone the color of Matthew's radish. The soft and lovely hazel of Gilbert's eyes. It was the exact color of Delly's smile.

But since she had broke Gilbert's heart it had become grey, not the stormy color she'd see on the front porch, but almost the shade of the asylum walls. They way the windows had looked, grimy, lonely.

She wanted to wish that she would be happy. Would always be. But then, what was joy without sadness. To wish one half of a coin away would be to left half poor.

“Anne, you can't sit here all day. Child, go out and have walk or see Diana.”

Anne didn't lift her eyes up to her mother. “It might rain. And Diana is with her mother in Charlottetown. Fred is coming to meet her in a week.”

“What about Ruby or one of the other girls?”

Anne sighed. It sounded watery. “Ruby is with Moody. They are setting the last of the plans for the wedding. And Tillie and Jane are in White Sands. And Josie and I get along now, as much as we ever will, but Lord knows I don't want anything to do with Billy and he is home from traveling.” She knew what Marilla would ask next. “Gilbert is busy too.”

“And Delly? I know you and Gilbert are having- well that you are in a disagreement. But Delly adores you and she could use you around.”

“I know. I miss her. But right now. I can't. Oh Marilla everything is ruined. Gilbert can't stand to look at me. And honestly, it hurts to be looked at.”

“You can't stop living because he is upset.” Marilla clucked her tongue. “You'll be at Redmond together. You two have been friends so long, do you really want to see that fall apart. I can tell you, I know how it feels to hurt someone you care about, when John... When I broke things off. It hurt him. And I hurt myself. But I knew it was best. And it was. If I had- If things had- Had I made a different choice Anne, we may have been happy. But there would have been no Gilbert. And more than, there would have been a you. And I can not think of a world where you would not have been my daughter. John was happy. He found a good woman, who he loved and had children that he loved. Of all the things I would have changed, Anne, it is only that we could have found a way to be friends. Do you want to lose Gilbert completely?”

She couldn't imagine never hearing Gilbert's voice again. To never have a lark or debate with him. But she couldn't stand the thought of him doing as his father did. To find love without her in it. She couldn't be the woman he needed. And she was cruel enough to desperately want him to only want her.

“I don't know. I don't think I want to watch him love someone and be his friend. But I can't picture a place in which I never- that he isn't a part of.”

  
“I thought you said you didn't love him.”

“I said I can't. Not that I didn't.”

“Why are you breaking both of your hearts then?”  
  


The wish was burning and thrumming in her fist. “You loved John, didn't you. It was that you knew you had to stay. That your place was at Green Gables, it was with Matthew.”

“I did. But the truth is, I did not love him enough, not to give up on the other things.”

“I love him.” It was painful to say out loud. It gave her no relief. “But I am not one for marrying. Gilbert thinks he loves me. But I am not one to be a homemaker. I want to write and teach. I want a little house of dreams, one that I make with someone on equal ground.”  
  


“Gilbert doesn't seem the type to ask you to give up anything. He has always been as proud as anyone for your achievements.”  
  


“Yes. But I know it is looked down on. And Gilbert would say it doesn't matter. But the very truth of it is with Gilbert wanting to be a doctor, he needs people to trust him, to think highly of him. I am happy to be a thorn in the side of those who won't bend the status quo. But Gilbert's dreams don't allow that. Not really. Not the way he want's to change things. People would talk about him. They would judge him on my behalf. If it were a perfect world, why I would go to him now. But it isn't. I have been looked at and looked down on for so much of my life. I can live with that. But not turning those eyes on the people I love. Gilbert would say he didn't care. I know he would. And maybe he wouldn't. At least not now. But later? If all his dreams can't quite come true? And I could try and be fine, try and be something I am not. And I feel now, that it would be worth it. But later. Later when I feel confined. That my wings are clipped? Would loving him be enough. Would him loving me be enough.”

“I knew, that as much as I loved John, I liked being at home. I loved Green Gables. I knew he would never be the happiest in a quiet life. To farm, with church and Avonlea forever. What your saying and what was, it isn't the same thing. I think you underestimate yourself and Gilbert. Gilbert is willing to stand for what he believes and have no regrets about it. He brought Bash and Mary home to Avonlea. He is an uncle to Delphine. And people judge him for that. Harshly and critically. He stood up for you all those years ago, about the article and any other scraps you find yourself in. Anne, darling girl, are you sure you aren't just making excuse out of fear. You can never know what will come, if you'll always be happy. If love will be enough. But I have never known you to let fear stop you. You can't know. But you can live. You can try.”

The wish burned so terribly. Her heart felt aflame.

“I don't want him to stop loving me. But I am afraid that one day he'll to look at me and think he chose wrong.”

“I can't give you any glimpses into the future. But I feel so deep in my heart that will never happen. He has loved you through it all. Through everything.”

“He can't look at me now.”

“I don't claim to understand the minds of you children, but maybe he is afraid of looking. Maybe he is afraid of scaring you further away.”

Marilla stroked Anne's hair. She just wanted to be sure. She wanted to know how not to be afraid. “I want him to love me.”  
  


“Well, I am almost certain he always has.”

When she opened her hand, her palm was red and sore looking. And the wish was the color of orchard's apples.

_________

She went the long way. She held the wish up and thought of Diana. Of her parents buried in a pauper's grave somewhere in Bolingbroke. Of Matthew, his infinite kindness, the first to love her truly. Of John and all of the other Blythe's that lie in the little gated graveyard.

Anne was close his house. But she was no closer to being sure what it was she could say. What she wanted.

What her wish truly was.

She could see the curtain move from the front room. Elijah's face was peering at her, and then she saw him nod and the cloth fluttered shut.

She wanted to run. To turn around and climb to the hayloft and weep. But she had done so much of that already. For what ever was coming she needed it to be done. She could give Gilbert that. She would giver herself that.

Then there was Gilbert bounding down the steps of the house. His head hung low, even the curls seemed subdued.

“Is everything, alright? Marilla and Jerry?” He was looking past her. The hum of the wish sounded from her pocket.

“They're fine.” It was no longer a lullaby. It was a steady heartbeat.

“You've been crying.” His eyes were finally on her. It left her feeling as if the world was righting itself.

“I can't seem to stop.” She said. “Everything's been off.”  
  


His hands flex, like he is going to reach for her. He doesn't.

“I'm sorry, Anne. I made a me-”

“No. Not you.” She took a breath. He was always the one to leap. To befriend her first. Love her first. Now it was her turn. “This time it is on me. I let you down.”

“Anne-”

She had to make the leap. She reached out her hand and ran her fingers over his cheek. Her thumb across his chin. “I am incredibly in love with you.”

His eyes close and his mouth thins. Tears leak out of the corner of his eyes.

“I'm afraid, Gil. Just a coward. I...I don't want to be. I don't..I can take on all matter of things. But I wonder if you'll find disappointment in me. In the long run. Because if I let you love me now. I won't ever be able to let you stop. Because I don't think- No, I know, I know, Gil, if you let me love you. If you'll permit me to. I will do it until the end of everything.”

He kissed her then. Or she kissed him. Or they met then, not for the first time, in the middle. His mouth was warm and kind and she understood how time could feel still, she was young then, with him and his hands curling around her waist and she was old too. So old, as if they had lived all their lives, here in this kiss, their first one.

“It will always, always be you.” His lips pressed into her cheek and nose and he laughed. His hands tangling in her hair. He couldn't stop smiling. Grinning. “Anne. My Anne. My heart.” There were tears again as his hands took hers and he pressed them into his chest. “I-”

“I am terribly in love with you. So awfully, wonderfully in love. Gil, you,” She pressed harder into his chest. Her fingers curling and cling. His tears dripping into their hands. And hers, her own happy, incandescent tears were falling, slipping down her neck. “I am sorry. I hurt you.”

“I can't feel it now. Whatever there was, it's gone now. I love you. I love you.” He let go of her hands to pick her up and spin her laughing. “I am and always will be yours. I can be nothing else.”

When he let her down, she saw the rest of his family peering nosily from the front window. She blushed and then she laughed.

The wish in her pocket stayed silent.

________

She ran her fingers over the treasures in the shop.

“Well, my friend, Anne with an e.”

“Hello!” She couldn't stop the grin. “I had to come. I had to thank you.”

“Oh, and what for?” His face was grinning and proud.

“The wish. I don't know how it knew my heart so well. I am not even sure that I remember making the wish. But I must have. It doesn't sing anymore.”

For a moment the peddler looked puzzled and then he smiled. “No, Anne. It wasn't a wish you made. No, it was one I made for you.”

“You wished for me to admit my love for Gilbert?”

“No, I wished for your happiness. For it to come to you as you have always wished for my own.”

Anne jumped then. Running to hug him. “I will always wish you joy. It will complete my own.”

When she finally left, she made her way to Gilbert.

She made her way to the future.


End file.
